My buddy Hugh Damright wandered into the Rightwing
Deathsquad Softball League lodge today. Hugh is the very model of a modern American
Conservative. Cautious with the taxpayers’ dollars, and at the same time
reluctant to use to the power of the state in ones private affairs. He’s the
kind of guy that will paint his guns with a Holstein pattern, and then wear a
parrot costume while he shoots them. In short, he simply doesn’t care what you
do, as long as you don’t pick his pocket or get any of your “stuff” on him.
At any rate, I was tending bar when Hugh strolled in and
asked for beer. I said “How’s the world treating you buddy?”
He replied:“Like a baby treats a diaper. Like a firecracker treats
an anthill. Like a BB gun treats a light bulb. Like a horny weasel treats my Uncle
Bob”.
Deciding at this moment that I already possessed too much
information, I sought to change the subject.
“So, what brings you here?” I
asked.
“A Chevrolet” he stammered, then said;” And that’s just the
problem. I’ve always been a Chevy man. Owned ‘em since I was old enough to piss
yellow, yet somehow now I can’t bring myself to ever consider one again.”
I sighed and gave him another Lonestar. “My friend, you
are suffering from second hand DES”.
Taking the cold delicious beverage, he asked;” What’s
DES?”
“DES is Democratic Economic Stupidity. It’s a condition
that apparently all Leftists are afflicted with.”
Hugh pondered for a moment and then asked:
“Is it like gonorrhea?”
“No” I said, “It’s much worse for policy but not as privately
painful and sounds less like a Japanese monster movie title.”
“The sad truth is that every Leftist is incapable of
grasping the simplest economic facts. Let’s start with “Supply and Demand”. It’s
a relatively basic concept. Price goes up; demand goes down while supply
increases. Amazingly, it works just as well in reverse, and even extends to
easily understood “determinants”. Take strippers for example. The public wants
more strippers; the supply of strippers will increase to match said demand and
the availability of $2 bills. Soon however the supply of good looking strippers
will be exhausted, leaving the unsatisfied demand to be filled by “Waffle House”
waitress’ and crack whores. Just like Health care reform.”
Hugh’s’ head spun faster than Obama’s press secretary
after an O’Reilly appearance. “WTF” he said.
“It’s like this buddy. Every single Democratic proposal
is disemboweled by the reality of “Supply and Demand”. Look at health care. There is simply no way
that this country can give an additional 10-30 million uninsured folks
insurance coverage without it costing someone either money or benefits.
Doing the math on my “Sesame Street Calculator”, that looks
like about 100-300 billion dollars a year out of someone’s hide.
Have we mentioned “Cap ‘n Trade?” Even the friggin’
commies that pass as Democrats say this thing is gonna cost us a 5,000,000,000,000
dollars or so. In the short term. To be fair, they say that amount can be
offset by “green “advances. What that means is the energy equivalent of “Waffle
House” waitress’ and crack whores.
My advice to you is to stop worrying about the Democrats
and President Obama’s plan for our nation’s economy. Simply sit back and enjoy
it as you would an ESPN “Special Olympics” marathon. The end result will be the
same; large numbers of retards are going to attempt things they know nothing
about, and regardless of how well they do, the press is going to make them out
to be heroes.”